It has been nine months. Nine whole months since Jude has been with Chase and I on this Earth. It has been unreal. A roller coaster of emotions. You cannot imagine it until you experience loving this human more than ever. I smile as I write this, because I am just getting a minute to breathe from work and all I want to do is share this with you.
Every day I am finally feeling more and more like myself. I’ve found that most people rarely talk about how they really feel about being a mother. I have found that it’s hard to be honest and not feel judged or compared. At first I would constantly compare myself to other moms, wondering if I was missing something because I just did not feel I could relate. I was aching to get back into the groove of “life” or my new “life” I should say. I was missing work, but feeling lost in what I wanted to do. I caught myself crying in my car this week to a very dear friend. She was telling me how much she respected, admired and loved me for everything I do for my family. I could feel the huge tears running down my face, and all I could say was I never knew what it would feel like to be needed ALL the time. I was tired, and wondering how I would get through this insane work week or month or even season.
I made a promise to myself when I had Jude that I would try not to lose myself. Traveling was my world and I could not wait to share that with my children. Jude and I recently took trip a to New England. There was nothing in the world this mama needed more than that trip. I felt alive again, I was surrounded with my best friends, wine, girl time, my best friend’s sweet baby boy and Jude. We laughed for five days straight. It was beautiful and exactly what my soul had been aching for.
Thank you to my dear friend who captured the most beautiful moments of Jude and I. Mackenzie Rollins I love you.