One day at a time

It has been nine months. Nine whole months since Jude has been with Chase and I on this Earth. It has been unreal. A roller coaster of emotions. You cannot imagine it until you experience loving this human more than ever. I smile as I write this, because I am just getting a minute to breathe from work and all I want to do is share this with you.

Every day I am finally feeling more and more like myself. I’ve found that most people rarely talk about how they really feel about being a mother. I have found that it’s hard to be honest and not feel judged or compared. At first I would constantly compare myself to other moms, wondering if I was missing something because I just did not feel I could relate. I was aching to get back into the groove of “life” or my new “life” I should say. I was missing work, but feeling lost in what I wanted to do.  I caught myself crying in my car this week to a very dear friend. She was telling me how much she respected, admired and loved me for everything I do for my family. I could feel the huge tears running down my face, and all I could say was I never knew what it would feel like to be needed ALL the time. I was tired, and wondering how I would get through this insane work week or month or even season.

I made a promise to myself when I had Jude that I would try not to lose myself. Traveling was my world and I could not wait to share that with my children. Jude and I recently took trip a to New England.  There was nothing in the world this mama needed more than that trip. I felt alive again, I was surrounded with my best friends, wine, girl time, my best friend’s sweet baby boy and Jude.  We laughed for five days straight. It was beautiful and exactly what my soul had been aching for.

Now it is fall, my busiest time of the year with photography. I live for these months. These next few months are going to be wholly chaotic. Tonight I came to terms that this house will probably be a complete mess until New Years. Trying to balance a 50+ hour work week with Jude only in school 10 hours a week is going to be insane. With a husband in the creative field as well, our world seems a tad crazy. We literally bypass each other some days.  We are trying to get new tenants in our house in Manor. I need to refinance our mortgage. I am expecting a new niece any day now. It is Jude’s first Halloween. Every hour I am not working, I spend with Jude. Chase works late hours at the restaurant on the weekends and I am jumping on a plane every so often for work. I have come to terms that I will always be the carefree mom that I am. Our lifestyle and reality demands it.
Jude is my BIGGEST  inspiration. I finally feel alive with my photography again. He makes me see things that I could never see before. He teaches me to live in the moment. He is the light of my world and Chase’s too. Chase and Jude have a bond that melts me.
We are truly blessed.
It has been nine months and I’ve finally hit my groove as a mom!  Every day is a new opportunity to better balance the many hats I wear, but for now, I am proud of myself. I am a damn good mother.
From day one as a mom, my hope has been that my gratitude in life would rub off on Jude. To hear most people exclaim that he’s the happiest little one I’ve ever met fills me with joy and resolve to take every day as an opportunity to be the best working mom I can be. I know that juggling both makes me appreciate each one infinitely more.
Cheers to Jude and to photography!
Film: Ilford 400
Camera: Canon AE-1

Thank you to my dear friend who captured the most beautiful moments of Jude and I. Mackenzie Rollins I love you.

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Jessie & Jordan

Oh sweetness! Jessie & Jordan are adorable and these two are getting married this fall on her family’s farm. Oh it’s going to be the most adorable DIY farm wedding that my heart completely swoons for. The very welcoming Springdale Farm sits on the east side of Austin and if you have not been, get there soon. Their farm stand is wonderful & the Foore’s are so kind. Wishing you guys all the love in the world! 

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I picked this roll of film up today and started laughing as soon as I saw these images. Oh that diaper explosion was so NOT awesome.

Film: Kodak Portra 400

Camera: Canon AE1 Manual

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Melissa & Nolan

There is something special to get to see your best friend become a mother to a beautiful son. Having children together is beyond fulfilling. We just got home from spending a magical time together in New Hampshire & Maine. I didn’t want to say goodbye. Between unpacking, four loads of laundry, and answering work emails, I had a few minutes to upload my cards and drop off several rolls of film. I scrolled through my digital images and just had to edit a few to fill my heart with these two special people today. I miss you already.

So many more beautiful images to come from this insanely perfect trip.

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First Roll

I have been itching to get back into shooting film again. It is the reason I ever fell in love with photography 12 years ago in the first place. I haven’t felt my heart light up like this in a long time. I have been a tad distant from my blog lately and that is because I am currently working on some huge projects. I am taking my time, especially since I have Jude, I tend to cherish my minutes a little more. I am shifting gears, challenging myself and taking new risks.

I am headed to Bar Harbor, Maine & Lee, New Hampshire this week with some of my closest girlfriends and two sweet babies. Before I blew through a trips worth of film, I needed to do a test roll before I left. I just picked up the roll this evening. My heart smiles on the inside, I love the rawness of these images. 

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